Chickens Jackin my Style

I find myself annoyed that I am not yet "basking in the glow" of the holidays. I like to spend the entire month of December "in the moment," wrapping myself in the sounds, smells and sights of the season without any pesky distractions. I wanted to be free of "last minute gifts to take care of." But - with economic times as they are, I have had to space out gift purchases.

We always enjoy the downtown city streets, buzzing with shoppers and cheery music, especially when we have finished our shopping. For us, that is a great time to find a cool cafe and grab a latte, take a horse drawn carriage ride through our beautiful city or a gondola ride over the river/falls. You get the gist - a real Norman Rockwell kinda thang.

I found myself feeling flat after Thanksgiving. My mother in law was late (as usual), by the time she arrived, there was no time for visiting. It was all about getting dinner on the table, eating with little to no conversation and then heading to the living room to lay around like lounge lizards watching football. I envisioned board games, a rousing match of ping pong - SOMETHING other than vegetation. I had envisioned meaningful conversation around the dinner table. In the end, my favorite day of the year passed as much ado about nothing.

In the end - I realized that being disappointed in the conversational handicaps of my in laws is really counterproductive. The fact that they all seem to be "chickens jackin my style" (thanks Black Eyed Peas) should have no impact on me or my feelings about the holiday. What it did make me realize was that you have to create your own moments in this life and the holidays always just seem to buzz by in a blur, with little time spent reflecting, diving deep and sharing something far more meaningful than wrapping paper and bows - the gift of yourself.

Everyone is coming here for Christmas Eve dinner, including my sister in law and her husband, who see us just this one evening a year (despite the fact that if I stood on my roof, I could probably see the roof of her apartment complex). Last year, her seemingly chosen "separation" added tension. I guess to some degree we all felt a bit resentful, almost like we were being used for that one day of the year. I just didn't have the energy to counteract the tension last year, but I have come to realize that I, as the hostess, am really the catalyst for these evenings. I set the tone, the pace, conversational direction and I am committed to making Christmas Eve not just fun, but a special memory for everyone, where we really share family time and not just share oxygen in the room. I have decided that I am going to give them a little bit more of myself and ask that they do the same.

We can't after all, choose our family or extended family, and we may not even like them, but we certainly can't "return them," like some White Elephant gift. I am bound and determined to find ONE thing about each person at our holiday table that I can say I like.

It will slow down the pace and put me in the mindset of drinking in each and every moment (while they suck down the booze - hubby's family likes their booze) of the holidays. With a mind free of clutter and details, focused on being in the moment, I hope that I will see things I might not have seen otherwise. Here's to the best of intentions! Cheers!