Saturday night was date night. We never have a firm plan, we know we will go out for dinner - but what happens afterwards is always a mystery to hubby and me. That is how we like it. In a world where you are parents, have responsibilities and necessitated routines, we try to infuse spontaneity wherever possible. We have ended up at hockey games, farm team baseball games, bowling alleys, stopping in to see friends. Most often, though, we find ourselves taking long drives and talking.
On this night we went to a Mexican restaurant that my husband likes. I really don't care for it, but I said "you choose" and when he "chose," I gave no indication that inside I was thinking "Damn, of all the places." The conversation was good, the food was tolerable, then we just hopped in the car and took off. I never ask where we are going and he never knows, we just go. We soon honed in on some signs that simply said "City Drive" with a directional arrow. In all the years he has lived here, he had never taken the City Drive, so he was as game as I was. The drive is 32 miles in total. We nearly finished it, but by the time we reached the North side, near our home, we decided to finish the drive on our next outing. The drive was interesting but was largely fueled by our hysterical laughter each time we thought we had missed a sign and doubled back to where we saw the last sign, only to realize that we had simply panicked. Had we stayed the course, the next sign was just up ahead.
The mood was good and from experience I know that these are often the best times to have conversations with my husband about "big" issues. My biggest frustration with my husband surrounds parenting of our 7 and 9 year old children. He had a terrible childhood, seven different stepfathers through the years and literally no role models to signify what a good "Dad" looks like. His interaction with the kids always seems to come only from an authoritarian perspective and I see the kids just trying to steer clear of him, to fly under the radar so to speak.
As a husband, he is caring, he is loving, he is fun and hysterically funny. Those cherished and coveted traits, however, seem to be almost exclusively with me and rarely with our children. I took my opportunity to open my heart and discuss this with him. I told him that on date nights I am always reminded (in stereo) why I fell in love with him in the first place, that the man sitting next to me in his Dodge Dakota truck is all I could ever have asked for and was so fortunate to have. I asked him if he could find a way to share "this person" with our children and I promised him that if he did, the rewards would be immeasurable and would completely change his legacy. I was kind with my words, they were coming from a good place. He was quiet and thoughtful and said nothing, then all of a sudden, he careened off the road onto the shoulder, pulled me close, put my face in his hands and gave me this amazing kiss and, without words, I knew he understood and I knew what he was feeling. Words were optional, and certainly not necessary at that moment in time.
We finished our city drive adventure and when I was settling up with the babysitter, I looked behind me to see him dancing with our daughter. I got to the top of the stairs just in time to see him twirl her around in circles, accompanied by the sound of her delightful laughter in my ears.
We took a drive, we had a deep dive ... and I am anxious to see if there is more dancing and more laughter. I remain hopeful that my "date" will show our children just how fun and amazing he is. I realize, sometimes, that he doesn't even realize it himself.
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